The proposing party (Subject A) first wishes to establish that their past relations with the aforementioned party (Subject B) were nothing if not satisfactory. The above parties collectively enjoyed collaborating in the following enumerated activities, including but not limited to:
A. First kisses in public parks under syrupy July moonlight. Subject A specifically recalls an especially cinematic touch with the sudden activation of the park’s sprinkler system, mid-kiss.
B. Heady, breathless reunions in parking lots, as though both parties had never before seen the other in such a light, though it had only been a few months apart and though they really weren’t meant to exist together for much longer, anyway.
C. Hushed secrets dropped, jewel-like, into collars. Subject A wishes to extend deepest wishes that these secrets be well guarded, as they themselves have kept said secrets despite intense duress from outside parties in the form of questions typically phrased as, “Any big past relationships?”
Subject A feels that Subject B was a fair and just partner for the duration of their partnership, and expects to spend a good deal of time in the future evading potential new partnerships through shifty lines including but not limited to:
A. “I have a lot on my plate.”
B. “I’m not really looking for something serious.”
Property of both parties is generally expected to be returned to its respective homes, but the Court recognizes the subsequent difficulties of said exchange wherein parties must interact again as they return “any last chance of seeing you.” The Court has therefore motioned to allow Subject A to keep 1) the black terry-cloth sweatshirt (it’s been embroidered already), 2) the black oversized t-shirt (it’s a paint shirt now), 3) the collective photo album, and 4) the mixtape. Subject B may keep the Favorite Novel and the embarrassing love notes.
Lastly, Subject A has requested to submit a statement intended for review by Subject B during the proceedings. Statement A, Subject A: “Cleaning up the mess we made has been difficult, and I don’t think I’ll ever need someone again the way I needed you, though maybe I’m mixing that feeling up for something else. Anyway, I’m glad you’re proud of me; it makes me believe that I’m doing this whole thing right.”
Signatures from both parties, Subject A and Subject B, are required to finalize the Interpersonal Termination of the Partnership-03, July 2017-November 2019 (multiple intermittent hiatuses included). Subjects are discouraged from meeting in person for notarization, as there is reasonable potential for a rekindling and therefore, more paperwork.
Subject A: ___________________ Date: _________
Subject B: ___________________ Date: _________