ELICA STARR

Fetish at First Sight

NON-FICTION

The ½ Japanese Girl does not want to be abruptly asked, “What flavor of Asian are you?” She is not a mere label on a packet of Sweet and Sour sauce.

The ½ Japanese Girl will not feel complimented when you suggest that her high test scores are linked to her “being Japanese.” Particularly when she excels at English Lit.

The ½ Japanese Girl is not cutting her bangs and doing her makeup to “look more Asian.” She looks Asian because she is biologically part-Asian.

The ½ Japanese Girl may wear a schoolgirl outfit–but not for your amusement–rather, in a complex reclaiming, selfindulgently ironic, incongruously culturally subversive kind-ofway that she secretly finds hilarious.

She is not automatically impressed when your hobbies include watching subbed anime. She will only be impressed if your hobbies include watching good subbed anime–like Death Note, Inuyasha, or the 1992 version of Sailor Moon.

The ½ Japanese Girl will enjoy hearing that she has “big beautiful eyes,” if it is not directly followed by “for an Asian.”

The ½ Japanese Girl will not enjoy hearing that she has “nice tits,” regardless of whether it is directly followed by “for an Asian.”

The ½ Japanese Girl will be unnerved when listening to you recite a list of past lovers–particularly when it sounds like: “...this Chinese girl, a Filipino girl, and this one exchange student…”

She does not want to be the subject of your Hentai fantasies.

And she definitely doesn’t want to hear about them.

The ½ Japanese Girl does not want to be casually asked over lunch whether or not she shaves “down there,” because you once watched an Asian porno starring shaggy labia. This question could cause her to develop deep-rooted insecurities, and lead to her obsessively deforesting her southern Kyushu prefecture.

The ½ Japanese Girl may be prone to feeling like her desirability begins and ends with her Japanese-half.

The ½ Japanese Girl may be slow to trust sudden affection, as she does not believe in love at first sight. What she does believe in is fetishization at first sight.

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t optimistic. Sometimes.

The ½ Japanese Girl will not be offended if you take her to a sushi restaurant–but do not expect her to be inherently better at discerning the Ikura from the Tobiko.

She will be impressed when you order two plates of Unagi–as it is indisputably the most delicious sushi available.

She would indeed enjoy watching that new movie with you in theaters–the one about the little Japanese boy and his magical shamisen. She might even tell you how culturally accurate it is, if you buy her plenty of popcorn.

The ½ Japanese Girl will smile and nod politely when you ramble on about your fascination with Japanese cars. She isn’t particularly interested in how the “art of drifting” originated in Japan or about this famous Fuji International Speedway that you speak of so reverently. But she can pretend to be interested, as there are worse conversations she’s had over lunch.

She may even suppress a groan when you admit to loving the film, “Tokyo Drift”–but only because you’re cute.

The ½ Japanese Girl may want to take things slowly, and apologizes for her hesitation. And she appreciates your response when you say you wouldn’t dream of giving her a reason to whip out a katana, and that you would rather keep your balls intact.

The ½ Japanese Girl may find it endearing if (on the fifth date) she is playfully referred to as “my beautiful cherry blossom”–but this certainly depends on how much she likes you.